Hi all,
Yes, I know I said that all I would be publishing for a while would only be thoughts for the day but something happened yesterday that made me decide to update this blog.
The reason I decided to update this blog is with regard to prostitution and childhood sexual abuse. Is there a connection I hear you ask? Well the answer is - yes, there can be. And the reason I raise the question is that yesterday I attended a psychology conference and the subject matter was the connection, (if any), between childhood sexual abuse adult sex workers.
I am a qualified social worker and worked in the past in an outreach project in London that helped sex workers, (aka prostitutes). One thing that became apparent to me when I worked in the project was the high incidence of women who worked as prostitutes who had been sexually abused as children. About 70% at the project I worked in.
The theory goes something like this. Women who are sexually abused as children become conditioned to see themselves as sex objects and that is the only way they can get "love". Upon becoming adults they still, (maybe subconsciously) , see themselves as sex objects, but when they demand money for performing sexual services they feel empowered because now they are making money by being sexual objects, and are in charge and not an object of abuse. Of course in reality they are repeating a pattern they were conditioned to believe in i.e. that their role in the world is to be a sexual object.
I actually believe that this theory makes a
greal deal of sense. Where I part company with some more radical feminists is that I still believe that if a woman believes that becoming a prostitute, at the time in life she becomes one, is the best option for her then I think we should honour that choice. We should respect anyone doing the best they can for themselves at the time.
When the time comes when she is able to, or needs to, move on from that role then she should be enabled to do so. But for me prostitution remains a valid life choice as long as a woman wants to do it and is not forced to do so through pimping, drug addiction or poverty. (In other words being forced by external circumstances).
If she chooses to become a prostitute because of where she is at internally at the time then that choice should be respected.
I also have no time for the
patriachal religions and their take on prostitution.
Prostitution is not a "sin" is the accepted sense of the word. The only "sin" involved is in those who exploit prostitutes for money. And neither is she a victim to be pitied. She made the best choice she could at the time and should be respected for that.
As for those who see her as some sort of vile repository of dirt, sin and immorality to be viewed with horror and revulsion then I would suggest this. That they are projecting their own twisted view of sexuality onto her, and that in their minds, whether this is conscious or not, sexuality itself is dirty. Therefore since the prostitute has experienced so much of it she must be filthy indeed.
Contrast this attitude to the
matriachal period of history when sex was considered sacred and prostitutes where considered priestesses as they are today in my religion - Paganism.
No, if anyone should be regarded as the "sinners" in this whole sorry affair it should be those who defile young girls and cause them to go down the route of prostitution to begin with. And also all rapists and paedophiles everywhere.
But even then I do not even believe these people to be "sinners" in the conventional sense because I do not believe in "sin". Yes, certainly what they do is evil and they are responsible for it. And the reparation for what they have done, and their own healing, is indeed their responsibility.
But that aside and with regard to the prostitutes. Let us honour them for dealing with the pain of childhood abuse in a creative way that does not hurt more children. And let us also honour the men who go to them as clients for dealing with their sexual needs in a civilised way and not through emotionally hurting, or raping, other unwilling women.
As always,
Blessed be,
KK
