Upon Hurting People and Authenticity

Hi all,

Recently I have been pondering on how human beings hurt each other and how, at times, this seems inevitable. And to some degree it is. The Earth plane by definition cannot be without pain and much of this pain is caused by the human condition. Indeed this is the reason for the human condition. So we can learn. Of course learning by pain is the last resort. Our first resort it that we learn through joy. But there is an old saying "That which you fail to learn through joy you will learn through pain".

That said most human being I know do not deliberately want to hurt other human beings. Of course there are those who do and they are among the most disturbed and damaged of our kind. But in the main most people do not deliberately want to hurt other human beings.

And yet there is a great urge today for people to live in authenticity with themselves and fulfil their own needs. And sometimes this conflicts with the needs of others. And for some people the problem is not so much that we do not want to hurt other people, but rather that in deferring to the the needs of other people rather than attending to our own legitimate needs, we actually hurt ourselves. And that also is a problem.

There is a Pagan rede, (guiding principle), which says "Do what thou wilt less thou harm none". And whilst I agree with this as an ideal I also believe in the everyday world it is unworkable. A much more viable guide I believe would be "Do what thou wilt and do the least harm" and I would also add "And do the greatest good possible".

The problem is that in many actions that are ethical someone is going to get hurt. For example, supposing in a birth going wrong a doctor could only save the life of the mother or the life of the child. A decision would have to be made. Unless of course nothing was done and both were allowed to die. And even then, in my book, a non-decision is still a decision.

And if a decision to save one of their lives were taken someone would suffer. I am not coming down on either side of this decision just making the point that someone would suffer. The only thing I could add is that the only guidance a person could use upon making this sort of decision would be to take account of all the individual circumstances and act according to one's own conscience, (that is, be authentic).

So how do we decide how to act when our needs and the needs of others are in conflict, and someone somewhere along the line must lose out?

I think that in situations like this it is helpful to think of the ultimate consequences of what will be produced by the decision. For example, I do not believe in the taking of healthy life, but if someone were drowning I would risk my healthy life to save them.

Likewise with decisions to put your needs before the needs of others. Only you ultimately can decide if this decision is selfish or in fact loving. If you are putting you needs before the needs of others for your unjust selfish desires that is one thing. But if in fact you are putting your needs before others simply because you yourself needs nurturing then that is a loving act. It is loving because all others will ultimately benefit from this act.

For example, I foster disabled children to give their parents a break so they can nurture themselves after giving so much to their children. Now I know there are some people who believe such parents should carry on regardless and be with their children 24/7. I disagree. I think people not only have a right to take time out for themselves, I would go so far as to say they have a responsibility, (to themselves and others).

As Jesus one of the greatest Teachers of all time said "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself ". ( Mark 12:31 The Holy Bible). In other words you are also commanded to love yourself.

Until next time,

As always,

Blessed be,

KK