Love, Friendship and the London Bombs

Hi all,

I had an incident yesterday that made me think about life and the London bombs.

I have a "friend", well I thought he was a friend, but I think he is more of an acquaintance really after rewiewing how treats me. Well over the week-end he was ill and telephoned me for advice on what product to use to help recover from his cold. This is because I am something of a health buff. I was away for the week-end so he left a message for me.

After a wonderful week-end away I rang him back on Monday morning to recommend some products and explained I had been away for the week-end. We had a ten minute conversation and when I put the phone down I realised that the entire conversation had been about him and his health. Even though I had mentioned that I had been away for the week-end, (not something that I do often), he did not ask about it. In the entire conversation he never asked how I was or bothered to thank me for the information I had given him.

Even if it were not entirely hurtful to have a one-sided conversation, at the very least it was just plain rude. On top of this was that this was the only time that this person has bothered to phone me at home in about three months. When he needed something!

That started me thinking and I thought "What am I getting out of this apart from being hurt by his total indifference to me and my needs" And you know what I couldn't think of much!

The London bombs were a wake-up call for me and as far as I am concerned life is too short to fill it with people who don't give a damn about you. Their interest in you is more about what they can get than what you are.

And I started to evaluate myself. And do you know, I decided that I am a beautiful and intelligent woman and deserve more than to be treated like that.

It is just as easy to abuse someone by taking them for granted as it is to abuse them by being verbally or physically violent.

That said the only person responsible for allowing the situation to continue would be me. And so I decided it would stop.

I have more than an abundance of friends and I do not need passengers.

When this same person saw how many Christmas presents I got for Christmas he even suggested that I should give some of them away to charity. Why should I? Some people have determined that that is what I am worth; why should I throw their gift in their face by giving it away? I wouldn't like that if I gave some-one a gift. Yes recycle it a few years later, but not right away.

Some-one once told me he didn't get invited to many parties. I asked when he last held one? Of course there was no answer, because he didn't hold parties.

For people who complain that they have no friends I have very little sympathy. they haven't learnt the basic rule of life: that in order to receive you first have to give. You can be selective in that giving, but you still have to give.

If you think that you have nothing to give, then go and work as a befriender for a charity. I did this with Age Concern in the UK. I started visiting a housebound old lady. The first time I visited she cried because, apart from the community nurse she had not had a visitor in a year. IN A YEAR.

We all have something to give. OURSELVES.

And be sure of this. If you don't think you are worth anything, then the world will take you at you own evaluation of yourself.

And guess what when I go to see that old lady now, it is not an act a charity. She is now my friend. She shares her history with me and I enjoy the visits. So there is mutual exchange.

I do not expect gratitude from anyone. That is patronising. But I do expect appreciation - in the dictionary sense of the word. "Appreciation - recognition of the value or significance of something!"

If I am regarded as being of so little value that even enquiring as to how I am feeling is off the agenda then what is the point of that "friendship".

If others do not value you, move on to those who do. Your loss will soon be noted!

Blessed be

KK